"Sleepwalker"

It had been touch and go the first two days. Alex was having trouble believing that Jason was really alive. He had practically died in her arms after all. The paramedics said that she had gone into shock that day on the beach. They had been able to resuscitate Jason in the ambulance before they had even reached the hospital – or so Alex had been told. She had been taken to the hospital in a separate ambulance to make sure she didn’t go further into shock. It was for the best they had told her. If they had waited any longer to take Jason he probably would have died. For real that time.

Alex shook her head. She didn’t like dwelling on the past, even as recently as three days ago. Everyone was still waiting to see if Jason would wake up. He had lost a lot of blood and had endured multiple surgeries to repair the damage done by the gunman. The single bullet had thankfully missed his heart, but the damage caused had been serious. Jason had spent the first two days in intensive care, but now his doctors deemed him “mostly out of the woods” and had cleared him for a regular hospital room.

A hospital room Alex was now in, sitting at Jason’s bedside – waiting for him to awaken. Throughout the day other people had come in to visit and to see how Alex was holding up. The most surprising of the visitors had been the other two members from their team: Chris and Randy.

“Hey Al,” Chris said softly as he entered the room. Alex smiled softly at the nickname she had long since given up on fighting. If he wanted to call her Al and act like she was one of the guys, then who was she to stop him.

Randy lifted his right hand in a slight wave. He wasn’t much of a talker, but he was one of the most compassionate men Alex had ever known. “Hey.” Alex said in response. She knew the guys wouldn’t stay long; they weren’t off duty or on vacation, like she was. A vacation that had been forced on her by their boss.

“How you holdin’ up?” Chris asked, his green eyes filled with concern. Whether it was concern for her wellbeing, Jason’s or both, she wasn’t sure.

Alex smiled slightly, “Same as I have been the last few days.” Randy and Chris nodded. It wasn’t like Jason had been the first to be shot amongst them. Alex had a few scars of her own. They all knew what it was like to have someone they were close to be in the same position as Jason.

Alex wasn’t surprised when Chris and Randy left shortly after arriving. They had been assigned to figure out how Jason’s cover had been burned. It would be bad for the whole department if there were a mole. Hopefully there wasn’t, but there was always the chance there could be.

Sighing, Alex turned back to Jason’s comatose form. She shook her head sadly, “Please wake up,” she whispered, “Please.” She stayed alert all day; watching as nurses and the doctor came and went, giving her small, but sad smiles. Who would have guessed that she would have been on the receiving end of pity?

Somewhere around nine that evening, Alex finally fell asleep; she hadn’t wanted to, but three days of stress and not knowing had caught up to her. “I’ll just close my eyes for a moment,” Alex had thought, laying down her head on the side of Jason’s bed with her hand holding his.

***

Jason was aware of the pain. He had been since the moment the bullet had sliced through is chest. The sad thing was he had though he was dying. Now, he wasn’t so sure. He remembered talking to Alex – she held him as he lay bleeding out, but after that there was nothing. It was a big blank. Probably the biggest black out of his adult life and he hadn’t even been drinking.

As his consciousness came back to him, Jason realized he could hear the constant beeps of a heart monitor. His chest felt tight and while the sharpness of the pain had been dulled, there was still a deep seeded ache in his chest. He realized that just breathing was painful and the deeper the breath, the more it hurt. More importantly, he realized that someone was holding his left hand. That was a warm feeling and quite unexpected. He had never thought that he would be in a position where someone was at his bedside, holding his hand.

Slowly Jason opened his eyes and looked around the darkened room. Across from his bed there was a television turned on, but someone had muted it. To his right was an empty bed and beyond that he could see two doors. One must have lead to the bathroom and the other the hallway where he could hear faint sounds of sneakers on the floor and pages on the speakers. Lastly, Jason looked to his left. Alex was there, sound asleep, her hair falling over his arm as she held his hand. Just behind her was a window overlooking the hospital parking lot which was brightly lit by the many parking lot light posts.

Jason smiled to himself and reached his right hand over to brush Alex’s hair out of her face. It seemed a bit odd to him that she would stay with him like this. Last minute confessions of love aside, he would have thought she would be out looking for the person who had caused this mess. Or maybe, just maybe, she had been told to take a vacation. It was the only way for her to stop working after all.

Jason brushed his hand through her hair again, and Alex muttered in her sleep, shifting and blinking her eyes awake. “Damn,” he though, “didn’t want to wake her. Too late now I suppose.”

“Jason?” Alex asked blearily.

“Hey,” Jason said with a lopsided grin.

“I’m not dreaming am I?”

“I think I’m in too much pain for you to be dreaming, love.” Jason responded chuckling softly, but stopping quickly because it caused him further pain.

“Oh my god! I have to get a doctor. They said you would wake up, but they didn’t know when and I was so worried,” Alex’s rushed rambling confused him, but soon she was back to her old self. “How could you?” she asked angrily, “You practically died on me and I don’t think I could have handled it,” she rushed on, “Don’t you ever do that again! You hear me?” Alex looked as if she could punch him. Jason hoped that she wouldn’t. From what he could gather he had actually left the land of the living, even if it had been only for a moment.

Jason only smiled at her, which seemed to agitate her further. She was still holding his hand though, so he squeezed and looked her in the eye. “Obviously I’m fine now and I’m not going anywhere. I have something important to tell you.”

“If you say ‘I love you’ again, I’m going to hurt you.”

“Well, I would love to tell you that again and I love that angry look in your eyes, but what I have to say is about the undercover job.”

Alex gave him a droll look. “You just woke up from a medically induced coma after being shot in the chest at point blank range and you are worried about the undercover job?”

“When you put it like that you make me sound like an ass. What I have to tell you is the whole reason I was shot in the first place.” Alex looked confused at that. “There is a leak in the department. The man who shot me knew who I was, who I work for and all the names on our team. We can’t risk sending anyone else in.”

Jason watched as Alex’s eyes widened. “Shit,” was her eloquent response. Jason chucked again, then winced in pain. He really had to stop doing that. The hard look in Alex’s eyes softened and the corners of her mouth lifted a bit. “I’m just glad you’re okay.”

“Me too, that was a close one.”

“It was too close.” Jason watched as Alex closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

“It’s okay,” Jason said softly, “I’m still here. Everything is going to be okay.”

“I know, just don’t scare me like that ever again.”

“Comes with the job description; I can’t help it if I get shot.”

Alex chuckled at that. “I’m going to get that doctor now. They’ll want to know you’re awake.”

Jason nodded, squeezed Alex’s hand one last time and watched as she walked out of the room. If only they had both known that things weren’t going to be how they thought…

Character Info

So Jason told me the reason he was shot was because his cover had been blown. And not by anything he had done. There is a leak somewhere. Basically it is that person's fault for why he was shot.  I'm also still trying to decide if he is really dead or not. Him telling me about why he was shot was the first thing he has ever said to me. He doesn't want to be dead either and that is why he has been silent. I'm seriously going to have to figure it out.

"Running Up That Hill"

She watched. There was nothing else she could do. The distance was to far. She saw the gun - the glint off of black, cold, un-calculating metal. She can't remember if she screamed; if she had shouted that she was a federal agent. He was her partner, she should have been right next to him, not yards away. She shouldn't have been so far.

She began to run, but she knew that she wouldn't be close enough. She had her gun out and cocked. She could feel the breeze off of the ocean as it tried to whip her hair into her face. She didn't have the time. She never seemed to have the time...

***

"Come on, that can't be what really happened." Jason scoffed.

"No, seriously," Alex laughed. She loved messing with Jason's head. He was her latest partner and surprisingly he had lasted the longest. Almost a full year. Her last three partners had requested transfers. Apparently she was too serious and didn't "get along well with others." Of course she and Jason had their issues, but they were a good fit.

"I'm going to ask Chris and Randy." Jason told her as he crossed his arms.

Alex shook her head, still laughing. "Go right ahead. They'll tell you the same thing I just did."

"There is no way that the either of them were chased out of a fancy estate by two guard dogs. They have more kahunas than that."

"That's what they want you to think." She grinned at Jason who grudgingly grinned back. Yeah, they had their moments, but it wasn't anything either of them couldn't handle...

***

The pop of the gun being fired wasn't as loud as she was expecting. She paused in her run towards the scene to fire her own weapon - she was close enough now. Two shots and the enemy was down, but so was her partner. She lowered her gun and continued to run.

She reached the sand, just past the boardwalk, and sunk down next to him. Blood was already soaking his shirt. She cursed this undercover assignment. A vest would have saved him. The shot had been taken at point blank rage. She took off her jacket and pressed it against his chest.

"Please don't die, please," she whispered as she kept pressure on the wound.

He let out a small laugh that sounded raspy and bubbly, "Like you...could...get rid...of me...that easily, Alex."

She let out a small sobbing laugh, "Don't try to talk Jason. Help is on the way."

"Wish you...were on this...undercover...assignment, huh?" he gasped, blatantly ignoring her recommendation that he not talk.  She could feel the tears forming and damnit all to hell, she wasn't going to cry right now.

"Yeah. I wish I had been shot and you had to come save my ass."

"Nah," he said softly, "I have al-already done that...for you." He began to cough and she tried to hold him as still as possible. She could hear sirens now. He had to be okay.

"And you kicked yourself for months." She noticed that his breathing had become more labored. "Help's almost here, just hang on."

"I - I want you...to know-"

"Shh, you can tell me later."

"But if I don't...this m-might be the...last time to s-say it." He was shivering now and he took a gasping breath, "I love you."

The tears in her eyes escaped of their own accord and she held back a sob. "Jason, you're going to be fine." He lifted his hand up to her cheek and he brushed away the stray tears. She wanted so badly to hold his hand to her face, but the wound in his chest took precedence.

He looked into her eyes and she knew what they both knew at the beginning of this incident: one of them wasn't going to make it. "Jason, no. Stay with me! Don't you leave me damnit!" His hand dropped softly onto the sand and it hardly made any noise at all. "Jason? Jason! No! Stay with me!"

Alex was full out sobbing as she watched Jason's eyes slowly lose the warmth of life. The parametics pulled her aside and began CPR, but Alex knew. She sat back in the sand, hard. She had put her hands out to steady herself and now the sand was sticking to the tacky blood on her hands. She pulled her legs up to her chest and folded in on herself...

She never said it, but she had loved him too. And now she didn't even get to say goodbye.

Constellations and Roses Drabble

Al wasn't ready to change. I could tell that. He had changed a bit over break (spending time with the family and all that), but he still had a long way to go. I heard whispers between Lily and Hugo that my dad and Al had a chat at Grandma Molly's. I know my dad and how much of a blundering idiot he could be when giving advice. However, there is a serious side to my dad as well - a side that makes a person sense and feel remorse. It was a side I knew existed, but had never really seen.

I have seen my dad angry and confused. Hurt and in tears. But I have never seen him in his role of auror. He didn't need to get confessions out of his own children after all. Well, maybe Hugo sometimes, but Dad mostly leaves that to Mum. She can be scary sometimes. Back to Dad. We never needed to be cracked like criminals, Hugo and I really do take after our mother.

Hugo and I really aren't ones to get into trouble and I think Dad was saddened by that, but then the rest of our family makes enough trouble. James and Fred along with Louis for instance. All the pranks they have pulled. It is amazing they didn't receive more detentions in school. And let's not forget my uncles. Holidays are quite the mess sometimes. I sometimes participate. Couldn't be a Weasley if I didn't. However, I would rather not spend a ton of time in detention, thank you very much.

Anyway, back to Al. He may have had a chat with my dad, but I doubt he is ready to change back. Or even change for the better. I don't think we will ever have the old Al back, but I can hope for a better Al than the one we have right now. I'll even be happy if he stops hanging around the other houses and apologies to Addie everyday for the rest of our lives. I hope that Al can prove me wrong. I really do. I just want my best friend back.

Loneliness, Heartache, and No Break in Sight

I'm lonely. More lonely than I have ever felt before. It isn't that I don't have friends or even people to talk to, I just don't feel...happy...or something. I don't know how to describe it and I'm pretty sure that I might be a little depressed, but I don't know what to do.

Sometimes I just want someone to hold me, is that too much to ask? Since my stupid roommate's boyfriend has come to school here, she doesn't stay in our apartment anymore. We have had fights over stupid shit and she went as far as moving some of her stuff. Not all of it, but enough that it hurt me and I don't think she would have told me about it. I thought that we were good friends, I mean I wouldn't have decided to room with her if we hadn't been. I guess we've both changed or something. Maybe its her boyfriend, I don't know.

And now I'm reading a book where this girl has the attention of not one, but two guys and she is being so wish-washy about it. If I had guys vying for my attention I wouldn't know what to do with myself. I would pick the better one, that I can be certain of, but I'm so awkward when it comes to guys. Hell I can't even tell a guy that I like him. I talk to him every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, but I can't ask him about his life or where he is from or what year he is and when he'll start flight school. My life is so fucked up and I honestly don't know how to fix shit.

Next week is spring break and I'm going to L.A. Maybe the sunshine and being at Disneyland will help. It might help, but then I might come back and be in the same boat all over again. Even my closest friends don't seem to see me struggling. I'm always the strong one; always the one listening to their troubles. Maybe all of it is finally catching up to me.

A Little Drabble-ish Fic

So lately I have been watching Stargate: Atlantis (Supernatural is on pause for a bit). And as I was watching one of the beginning episodes I saw Dr. Carson Beckett and Dr. Rodney McKay on screen together. My exact thought was, "I'd ship that." And now I really have. Anytime they have any sort of exchange I kind of flail and think, "otp,otp, otp!!" It is kind of sad sometimes, but I love the two of them so much that I don't really care if they are an actual couple or not (seriously if you knew me you would know that I totally ship Merthur and John/Sherlock as well).

What I am trying to get at is that I wrote a drabble...that might lead to a longer fic or just more drabbles. So here it is:

“Rodney, you are fine,” Dr. Carson Beckett told Dr. Rodney McKay, “It is just your average cold.”

Rodney sniffed and crossed his arms. He was sitting on an exam table in the medical bay. “This doesn’t feel like an ordinary cold. My chest it tight and my sinuses are so plugged I don’t think I’ll ever be able to breathe properly again.”

“And I told you that you should rest.” Carson countered rolling his eyes. “But there was some bloody emergency and you couldn’t stay in bed. As far as I can tell it is just a severe rhinovirus.”       

“Ha!” Rodney began to laugh and then broke into coughs.

“I can give you something for the cough, but other than that you need lots of rest and vitamin C. Rodney’s coughing subsided and Carson could tell by the stubborn look on Rodney’s face that he was going to have a difficult patient on his hands. “Look, if you don’t do what I recommend it will take you longer to get better and it could worsen from a cold to bronchitis or pneumonia. Then I would have you here in medical. Do you want to be here under observation?”

“Not really, no. I just want to be assured that I’m not dying since that is the way I feel right now.”

“You are not dying Rodney.” Carson sighed and rubbed his forehead with his left hand. “I know that this is the first time you’ve been sick with something so ordinary while in Atlantis, but honestly.”

“Honestly what, Beckett? I know for a fact that each and every one of us is dying.”

“Rodney.”

“Carson.”

“People don’t just die of a cold. I know for a fact that you have faced worse illnesses.”

“This really isn’t making me feel better.” Rodney shifted on the table.

“I’m not your mother. I can’t mother you.” Carson sighed again. “Do you want me to kiss it better?” He had meant it as a bit of a joke. He and Rodney had only been flirting and Carson honestly didn’t think that it would go anywhere, but Rodney’s response surprised him.

“Yes. I think a kiss would make things more bearable.” Before Carson knew what exactly was happening Rodney was leaning towards him and their lips touched. They pulled apart after a short moment.

“What was that for?” Carson asked, slightly stunned.

Rodney grinned, “You know, I think I’m feeling better already.”

“You do realize that I will more than likely have this virus now.”

“And then I can kiss you better.” Rodney leaned in again and this time their kiss lasted for several moments.

“If it means more of this, I’m looking forward to it.” Carson said with a smile. Rodney was shaping up to be a rather good patient…now if only he could follow his doctor’s recommendations.

Stephanie Plum, Hair Cuts, and Life in General

If you can't tell by the title, I recently went to see One For The Money. All I can say is that it was funny in spots, but the book is way funnier. And Katherine Heigl is not Stephanie Plum at all. She just can't do the Jersey accent (not that I could do any better; I just think that they could have picked someone else...Sandra Bullock for example).

I have also been listening to the Glee covers of Michael Jackson songs. "Smooth Criminal" on repeat is just as amazing as listening to "Carry On My Wayward Son" on repeat (hehe, Kansas and Supernatural reference, go me!). I have always loved listening to stringed instruments, but the cellos in the "Smooth Criminal" cover just blew me away. The only way to listen to the song is at top volume. Chills every time.

I am getting a hair cut today. And tomorrow I'm dying my hair red. I'm looking for a change and I kind of want to start dating. I haven't been on a date in over five years. I think it is time to try. Sadly I don't really know any guys and it might be difficult to meet guys at school. Maybe I should go to English Club...