Loneliness, Heartache, and No Break in Sight

I'm lonely. More lonely than I have ever felt before. It isn't that I don't have friends or even people to talk to, I just don't feel...happy...or something. I don't know how to describe it and I'm pretty sure that I might be a little depressed, but I don't know what to do.

Sometimes I just want someone to hold me, is that too much to ask? Since my stupid roommate's boyfriend has come to school here, she doesn't stay in our apartment anymore. We have had fights over stupid shit and she went as far as moving some of her stuff. Not all of it, but enough that it hurt me and I don't think she would have told me about it. I thought that we were good friends, I mean I wouldn't have decided to room with her if we hadn't been. I guess we've both changed or something. Maybe its her boyfriend, I don't know.

And now I'm reading a book where this girl has the attention of not one, but two guys and she is being so wish-washy about it. If I had guys vying for my attention I wouldn't know what to do with myself. I would pick the better one, that I can be certain of, but I'm so awkward when it comes to guys. Hell I can't even tell a guy that I like him. I talk to him every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, but I can't ask him about his life or where he is from or what year he is and when he'll start flight school. My life is so fucked up and I honestly don't know how to fix shit.

Next week is spring break and I'm going to L.A. Maybe the sunshine and being at Disneyland will help. It might help, but then I might come back and be in the same boat all over again. Even my closest friends don't seem to see me struggling. I'm always the strong one; always the one listening to their troubles. Maybe all of it is finally catching up to me.

Stephanie Plum, Hair Cuts, and Life in General

If you can't tell by the title, I recently went to see One For The Money. All I can say is that it was funny in spots, but the book is way funnier. And Katherine Heigl is not Stephanie Plum at all. She just can't do the Jersey accent (not that I could do any better; I just think that they could have picked someone else...Sandra Bullock for example).

I have also been listening to the Glee covers of Michael Jackson songs. "Smooth Criminal" on repeat is just as amazing as listening to "Carry On My Wayward Son" on repeat (hehe, Kansas and Supernatural reference, go me!). I have always loved listening to stringed instruments, but the cellos in the "Smooth Criminal" cover just blew me away. The only way to listen to the song is at top volume. Chills every time.

I am getting a hair cut today. And tomorrow I'm dying my hair red. I'm looking for a change and I kind of want to start dating. I haven't been on a date in over five years. I think it is time to try. Sadly I don't really know any guys and it might be difficult to meet guys at school. Maybe I should go to English Club...

I'm now keeping three blogs instead of two...

Thanks English 481. Also there was a thing with a boy...but who knows what that was all about. How can a person be a pessimist and a hopeless romantic at the same time? I can feel the pessimistic side kicking in now and it makes me sad. I don't know what it all meant and I don't know if I'll ever see this guy again. I don't even know if he used his real name (for reasons I said on my other blog).

I think I'll just spend my weekend curled up on the sofa watching Supernatural. I only have one disk left of season one now.

Not that this is new news...

I am a terrible blogger, but as I have said on my other blog (that I started over the summer and seem to be paying more attention to) I am going to try and post once a week. As a college student who has found tumblr in the last year, this might be difficult for me. As this blog doesn't get much attention, I might slack off...hopefully not though.

I'm hoping to turn this blog into a space for some of my writing and try to get in the habbit of writing everyday. So if I seem to be saying weird things, it might not be from my personal point of view. I might also post some angsy life posts that I don't want people to see (like I said before, this blog doesn't get very many views). If I dissapear then I will have failed in my blogging related resolution. Which will make me sad *sad face inserted here*

Hopefully things will be nice and fun and shiney on here once again (I promise that I won't do any more fire chasing...it was scary the last time).